When the proverbial shit is hitting the fan, it's important to reach out to friends, family the guy on the subway or anyone willing to listen.
In the past, my tendency is not. I was the girl with her ducks in a line. I'm the girl with the plan and project after project on the go. I know what I'm doing now, then I know what's next, and I don't need anyone to tell me anything. Or so I thought.
When my husband, let's call him D. walked out the door that night, I felt like the rug of my carefully planned life was pulled out from under me. He begged me to call someone, anyone and talk to them. I felt like I had no one to talk to. I felt like my friends leaned on me, but I didn't need to do any leaning, ever, and that's why I felt like I had no friends or no one to turn to during a most difficult time.
I should mention at this point that I was as geographically far as I could possibly be from my closest family and friends. Time zones, oceans and continents separated us.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I walk in; He walks out
A couple of months ago, I came home from work at the usual time, and rather than discussing what we should have for dinner, my husband said to me: I can't do this anymore, I've fallen out of love with you and I need some time apart.
Let me backtrack a moment. I mean, things had been rocky for a little while, but 'time apart'?!? That's a prelude to divorce, right? When I say rocky, I mean that I'd been dealing my best silent treatment for the better part of a month. Why? Because I was frustrated as hell that I wasn't happy and hadn't been for months. Not with him, mind you, but with me.
I was unhappy that I couldn't articulate what I wanted out of our relationship, I was frustrated that the picture perfect relationships I was observing of our friends were not happening at home and I was depressed and had been for months. With depression comes a lack of libido, and a lack of fun in the bedroom means everyone's unhappy.
Add to this the fact that I couldn't articulate so much of what was making me unhappy, and what we could do to get me happy, and suddenly you have people not communicating in a relationship - on any level.
So you see, the drama had been building for a while, but I was still surprised when I walked in the door, and he was ready to walk out.
Let me backtrack a moment. I mean, things had been rocky for a little while, but 'time apart'?!? That's a prelude to divorce, right? When I say rocky, I mean that I'd been dealing my best silent treatment for the better part of a month. Why? Because I was frustrated as hell that I wasn't happy and hadn't been for months. Not with him, mind you, but with me.
I was unhappy that I couldn't articulate what I wanted out of our relationship, I was frustrated that the picture perfect relationships I was observing of our friends were not happening at home and I was depressed and had been for months. With depression comes a lack of libido, and a lack of fun in the bedroom means everyone's unhappy.
Add to this the fact that I couldn't articulate so much of what was making me unhappy, and what we could do to get me happy, and suddenly you have people not communicating in a relationship - on any level.
So you see, the drama had been building for a while, but I was still surprised when I walked in the door, and he was ready to walk out.
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